Hey ladies, want a drink?
Oh, yeah, that’s my university ID.
Sure, here, check it out.
That’s right, I’m part of the faculty.
Oh, I’m no adjunct.
I’m an assistant professor.
I know things about this university you can’t even imagine.
Do you have any idea how big my interlibrary loan privileges are?
I didn’t think so.
I get books longer, faster, and harder.
More, here at mcsweeneys